I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
