Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize