i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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