New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
