i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
