dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
