On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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