Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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