dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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