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• (443): View more from Maryland

  they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere

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• (949): View more from California

  he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Moonshine marathon is never a good idea

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.

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• (315): View more from New York

  yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  jump out the window naked night went bad

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