drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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