Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize