Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
