with your own penis?
We're facebook friends in real life
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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