In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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