Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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