What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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