So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
