OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
