What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize