i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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