yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
