last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
