apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
