Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
