she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
