Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
