U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw a hot homeless man
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
