I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
