I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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