You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
