So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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