bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
