So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
