My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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