is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
