just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
