Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
