when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
