I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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