Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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