Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
