I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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