Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
