So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
