Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
