I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
