just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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