I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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