So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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