I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
