just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
