i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
