Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
