I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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