I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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