so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
