I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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