dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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