I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
