i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
