Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
