dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
