and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
