My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's blow job season.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
