Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
