Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
