just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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