Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
